This blog is my reflection and celebration of what I have learnt and continue to learn about marriage. Our relationships are as unique as we are, we all go through hardships, heartache, love and joy. I by no means know all the answers when it comes to marriage and never will. I am celebrating love and I am so very grateful I have found someone who still loves all of me, the light, the dark and everything in between.
This week my husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. I was 20 and Geoff was 25, when we both said I do, as the sky’s rumbled outside and the rain began to fall. I feel somehow the universe was listening and acknowledging our commitment we had made to each other. As the rain disappeared as quickly as it had arrived, and the sun came out just as we were leaving the church. The timing was incredible, the gardens looked amazing having just had a drenching of rain. It was the universe orchestrating mother nature to create such a beautiful welcoming atmosphere and guide us on a journey like no other.
As I think back to that day, boy were we young, we had no real plans of what we wanted our life to look like, all we knew was that we loved each other. For us that was enough and here we are 25 years later with four gorgeous sons and we still love each other.
How did we do it? I don’t know exactly, I don’t have the magic formula. All, I know is that creating a life with Geoff has always felt like home. I have always felt like I can be me and grow to be the best version of myself.
Here are 25 things that we have done that I feel has helped us get to where we are today.
The little things really do matter. A hand-written note, a hug, kiss, holding hands, making a coffee or tea, pulling out your chair to sit at the table
(yep, Geoff has done this for me, like forever), saying you are amazing and I love you.
Respect each other
Love each other.
Communicate, talk to each other rather than at each other.
Give each other the space, to explore their creativity, to have hobbies, interests etc. It’s ok to be alone at times. You don’t need to be with each other 24/7
Connect. We have always made time for dates especially when we started to have the boys and had no family around to help watch them. We would create our own dates at home. Once the boys were in bed we would either have a picnic outside or on the lounge room floor. We continue to make time for us, whatever that may look like.
It’s ok to be angry, frustrated, annoyed at each other at times. Conflict can be a good thing I believe it’s a sign of growth and helps you to change what is not working. You don’t have to agree all the time.
It’s never good to bottle things up, I’ll admit I am still a work in progress with this one
We support each other’s growth, as we navigate our own life’s journey and how we both have chosen to shine our lights.
Trust each other
Laugh, laugh lots
Love. Love lots. I’ve already mentioned love each other, this is about loving yourself, love what you do, give love and be love.
Show affection every day
Be the champion of each other
We parent together
Honour each other’s feelings
Support and help when the other is having a hard time
Be mindful of your energy vibrations. We can often get stuck and consumed in our own energy not realising the impact it has on our partners. The more you work on raising your own energy, the more it will beautifully connect and raise your partners energy which will ultimately flow into your relationship.
Celebrate the small and big victories
Having conversations that are not just about our boy's
Create precious memories, rituals together
Be vulnerable with each other. Own your crap
Create your own magic love formula
Please know this list doesn’t mean that our marriage has been all romantic, roses and champagne, god no, we have had some very hard times. It’s been the combination of these that has helped us get through the storms and out the other side.
You could say we have created our own magic love formula that, while we didn’t know what it looked like let alone what it was 25 years ago, we did start with the most important ingredient of them all, love.