This weekend is full of celebrations with my birthday on Saturday and my son Alex will be 21 on the Sunday. I will be turning 46. I will admit that at first, I was like WTF how did that happen and a little apprehensive about sharing my age, weird though I knew straight away it was my inner mean girl trying to join my party. So, I lovingly uninvited her and so ready to share and celebrate turning 46.
I thought I would share 46 lessons that I have learnt so far. Let’s go.
1. Deciding to write a blog about the lessons I have learnt so far and realised 46 is quite a big number.
2. Aging is a privilege. Grateful for all the experiences and lessons I have already learnt, embracing the new lessons with open arms and the wisdom they bring.
3. You don’t need to feel your age. You hear people say I feel old or are accepting that when you turn a certain age inevitably you are going to feel it. It’s absolutely nonsense just because you are a certain age doesn’t mean you have to feel it, you have a choice. I certainly don’t feel 46 whatever that is supposed to feel like. I feel more energised and full of life than I ever have.
4. Being a mum to my 4 boys is the most life changing, challenging, beautiful, rewarding journey and will forever be the greatest achievement of my life.
5. Trust yourself. This is huge and as I look back on my life so far, I can see where I trusted myself fully and where I allowed external factors to influence me. Trust yourself, we really do have everything we need already within us.
6. It’s my journey. Just because my journey is different to yours doesn’t mean it’s wrong and vice a versa. As someone who married very young and had children straight away and chose to be a stay at home mum in a time (22 years ago) when women were starting to focus on careers and get married and have children later. I had felt at times a little on the outer, I lost count the number of times I was asked when I was going back to work after each of my boys were born and later when they each started school. My reply wasn’t what people expected. I didn’t fit the “norm” then. Follow your path and design a life that you love. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks.
7. I love my body. We all have things about our bodies that we would like to change (hello stretch marks and no boobs). I have now grown to love these parts of me and embrace the beauty that is me. When you think for a moment what a miracle our bodies are, I mean seriously my body has survived a serious car accident, carried and given birth to 4 healthy gorgeous boys, allows me to exercise, breathe in the fresh air every day and helps me to experience this incredible journey we call life. It truly blows my mind what our bodies do for us every second of the day. I know from experience the more we listen and love our bodies it will respond with love and do what it does best. Treat and celebrate your body like the sacred temple that it is.
8. Explore and embrace creativity. We are all creative beings and when we give ourselves the opportunity to explore and express ourselves creatively it speaks to our soul. Creativity is a big part of who I am, and I love to learn new ways to express myself creatively. Which leads to my next lesson.
9. Listen to your curiosity. I wouldn’t be here writing this blog post, be a life and health coach if I hadn’t listened and explored my curiosity. If something catches your eye, or you heard something that makes you stop and think for even a few seconds, then look into it. It could be nothing, but it also could be the best thing you have ever done. Be curious.
10. Look and listen to your kids. My boys have and continue to teach me something new every day either about myself, how they see the world and the big beautiful thing we call life. As parents we are often trying to do 10 things at once while our kids are talking to us. When my boys were really little I consciously made a commitment to listen and look into my boy’s eyes. It has been such a beautiful lesson to learn. Listening and looking into my boy’s eyes is the best gift ever, and it continues to warm my heart every day I get to look into their handsome eyes.
11. Being vulnerable. Showing my vulnerability with my husband and the boys has changed how we do things. Being vulnerable with my boys has only made my relationship with them even stronger and made me a better mum. My relationship with my husband is stronger than ever. It has also helped me become a better life and health coach.
12. Transformation and Transition are beautiful. Transformation is a part of life and it’s important to remember we transform in our own time and way. Transformation is bringing forth what is already within you and having the courage to let it shine. Embrace it.
Transitions are not easy, as my boys grow up and the many transitions we already have gone through it’s fair to say I don’t do change well. I am fortunate that all my boys are still at home, which I love. I know that this will potentially change over the next few years. Am I ready for this transition, NO. What I do know, is that while these changes are inevitable, and I find them hard I have learnt to change my focus towards them. This has really helped me see them as another wonderful part of life that is to be celebrated.
13. Celebrate. Celebrating my victories, no matter how big or small they are has truly helped me with my self confidence and passion to keep moving forward. Taking a moment to acknowledge yourself and say go me is the ultimate form of self-love.
14. Love yourself. Boy, has this taken some time over the years I had given myself such a hard time for not being smart enough, being too kind, too sensitive, worrying too much, not career focused enough, blah blah blah. I am proud to say I love myself, I love who I am inside and out. It’s been the most empowering, exciting thing to achieve. It’s not to say I don’t have my inner mean girl trying to trash things. I do, but I know how to deal with her now and know she is full of crap and I move on.
15. Never too old to dream, adventure, change careers, shine your magic, find your soul mate. Never too old for anything. It’s just a number remember.
16. Energy. Our energy and how it shows up in the world can affect what happens in our lives and to those around us. I am not saying we must be high vibe, energised bunnies all the time either. It’s about being mindful of the energy we are sending out to the universe, and how we want to be seen in the world. Learning to understand my energy on a spiritual, emotional and body level has helped me understand myself better and how I show up in the world.
17. Feed your mind. I love to learn, there is something about gaining new found knowledge that lights me up and makes you feel younger😉 which has been scientifically proven by the way. Keep feeding your mind.
18. Perfection does not exist. I learnt this big time when I first became a mum, it was a massive earth shattering concept to adjust too. Recovering perfectionist here. I have had relapses over the years particularly having started my coaching business and writing blogs. It stops us from doing the very thing we are meant to do because when we feel like we don’t do something perfect, create something perfect or be perfect we don’t do it. Be perfectly imperfect.
19. Find your tribe. Trust me they are out there. I have only just started to realise this, there is nothing quite like being surrounded by your fellow sisters who want to see you shine your brightest and support you every step of the way.
20. Ask for help. I don’t just mean asking those around you either I mean asking the universe too. I have always found it hard to ask for help feeling that when I could do everything I would feel accomplished and successful. The only thing I accomplished was feeling overwhelmed and fall in a heap. Not ideal. Asking for help is not negotiable, I have recently asked for help with my coaching business about promoting and marketing myself because I can say openly I need it and I don’t want to try and do it alone. The universe, well we all know that when you ask the universe, she listens. I’ve lost count the number of times I have asked the universe for help and she has delivered. Asking with grace and from the heart.
21. Don’t underestimate the power of your magic. I truly believe everyone has their own unique magic that needs to be shared with the world. Make your magic happen.
22. You choose to write your story no one else can. Full stop thank you 😉
23. Healthy, mind, body and soul are absolute. When these gorgeous parts of ourselves are working synergistically you find joy within, you are shining your brightest of lights you are being the best version of YOU. Our mind and soul can get lost in the world that focuses so much on our bodies (though thank fully this is changing), love deep within, love and nurture your mind too.
24. Love what you do. My journey to be a life and health coach has always been about doing something I love. I have been in jobs that have literally sucked the life out of me. I knew and believed that it doesn’t have to be this way. There are sacrifices that I have had to make to follow what I love to do for example more money, security etc. but these are nothing compared to sacrificing my health, happiness and soul. I wouldn’t be setting the example I want to set for my boys.
25. Be brave. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable – Do things that take you out of your comfort zone, push you and do it often. Hello public speaking☹
26. Never give up. Keep going. There have been times when I have felt like throwing my hands in the air and walking away. But you need to keep going.
27. Practice gratitude. I learnt this in a big way when I was 19 and had a serious car accident. Every day since I have said a prayer of gratitude before going to bed.
28. Getting older doesn’t mean you can’t be sexy. Just because you have hit 40 or in my case 46 doesn’t mean I can’t be sexy. Expressing your sexuality in a way that feels right to you is your birth right. Shake it baby😉I’m shaking mine.
29. Volunteering. For me I have volunteered ever since I was 12 years old at my local pony club and ever since then have been volunteering in some way. Giving back to your community gives back to you more.
30. There is no such thing as the perfect time. This will never happen. You just have to go for it now.
31. Have fun, smile and laugh until you pee your pants. Well after having 4 boys this has on occasions been almost the case. Seriously, though enjoy this beautiful journey.
32. Be You. Celebrate who you are inside and out.
33. Make time for you. Practice self-care, this is not selfish, you are worthy and without making you a priority then you will not be able to shine your brightest, chase those dreams and look after those around you. Please put yourself on top of your list.
34. Stop doing and instead BE. It’s 100% ok and in fact vital you slow down to just be, do nothing, go offline, look into your kid’s eyes, be present. We are in a world that sees doing as a form of success. Every moment is precious, and I want to remember all these moments and be in the space where I can.
35. Friends can come and go. You will have lifelong friends and you will have friends that enter your world for a period and then move on. This is ok, they are the ones that were sent to you for a reason, a lesson that you needed to learn.
36. Love. Yes love, being loved, giving love, sharing love, be love is what ultimately makes life and you beautiful. There is simply nothing else that truly matters.
37. Accept compliments. Now, I had struggled with this and my journey as a life coach has really helped me to acknowledge this and learn to accept these beautiful little exchanges as gifts. People don’t just give out compliments for the fun of it, they mean it and accepting them graciously is empowering and you are valuing and honouring yourself.
38. Ask yourself what does success mean to you? I‘ve had to ask myself this question a number of times over the years. Your definition of success and what it looks like to you is as unique as you. Don’t look to the outside world for what success is supposed to look like. Writing down what success means to me has helped me in all areas of my life.
39. Sometimes sh*t happens, and life can throw you off course into a downward spiral. Life does that. What I have learnt during these times is that I am way stronger that I ever imagined, they don’t define me, and life does get better. I take my moment to process these things in my own way, and then I get up and keep going. How we handle these situations and pick ourselves up are our biggest lessons.
40. Food is our medicine. I will hand this over to Hippocrates who eloquently says
‘Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food’. Amen.
41. Stop worrying. Life is too short to worry, it’s not good for you and it ages you and we can’t have that.
42. Listen to the whisper. You know the one. The one that is ever so quiet that you can barely hear it but over the years it starts to turn from a whisper to sometimes a yell that you have stop and listen. Listen!!!!!
43. I love being a mum. How is this a lesson you might say. There have been times when I felt so alone, wanting just 30 seconds to myself and wondering how the hell I can get through another day. It has challenged me in ways that nothing else has. It has given me the greatest joy and love and continues to blow my mind.
As my boys are getting older I am forever grateful to my younger self that she decided to be the mum that she wanted to be not what everyone around her suggested. I have continued to do this and have the most amazing relationship with all my 4 sons (I have people ask me how I do it) Honestly not sure of the exact answer to this and by no means do I think I have all the parenting answers. All I know, is that I have always gone with what felt right, taking the time to listen and hear my boys and love them up lots.
44. Don’t let fear get in the way. We all have it and struggle with it at various times, but everything you want is on the other side of fear. I can see this now and I while my fear still comes up and probably always will in some form which actually is a sign you are on the right path. I now have the confidence and knowing that my magic is just on the other side and it’s amaze balls.
45. Look after your skin. After all it’s the biggest organ we have, and it is the first thing that shows signs of aging. I have always looked after my skin since a teenager and I am careful about what I use on my skin. I have to be, I have very sensitive skin. I have been using natural skincare and makeup for over 15 years, along with eating skin loving healthy foods. Creating a self-care practice that includes a skincare routine has helped me to not only love myself but be proud of how I look.
46. It’s just a number.